seconds left until i leave you
your eyes that i love so much
now i hate with every single tear drop
the words you used to say
now it hurts me more and more this way
tomorrow is unknown
yesterday is already told
all that's left is today
today...the moment you betray me........
in another note, while i was stumbling in the net, i found this... DIOSKO!!!!!
my childhood friend invited me to her "thanksgiving party", she is now a license pharmacist. congrats bez donna =) ...of course, i was, well all of our friends were ,so proud of her. it was held at a private rest house of her aunt. today is a rainy day but the show must go on. i never planned to go swimming but as we were riding back home, the rain just poured itself so hard.
an invitation i could not care to resist.....
some of the photos before the rain....
i will call it a day guys..i need to rest and sleep...coz' its manic monday tomorrow...
be happy =)
everytime we see each other at the hallways, it made me feel so awkward. i tried so hard to act as if it was nothing to me. but deep inside of me it meant a lot. i wanted to ask them why. but i know i will never be able to. this is how things work in this job.
i must and always will remind myself that i am here to work, and my job is to help and teach not to become their friend. attachment will only lead to another heartache. but how can i avoid it? i could not hide the fact that i am a filipino: kind-hearted and passionate in work.
i know i am not that expressive to what i feel. as what mama always says, i am the complete carbon copy of you! hehe.. maybe, that's true but i am a modified type already.
** i don't hold grudge against you for passing your lack of talent in music to me.
** i am happy that i am skilled just like you.
** thank you for the height.
** thank you for the terrific sense of humor that i bestowed from you.
** i still love you even if you won't understand the thought of having a "night life".
** i still love you even if you'll have "videoke" for hours and hours at home. it feels like torture to those who listen.
** i am blessed to have someone like you who never go home drunk.
** i am blessed to have you whose so faithful to mama.
** i am happy to tease you a lot.
** i'm sorry if i was too impatient to teach you about computer.
** i enjoyed having unnecessary fight with you it only means you cared for me.
since i grew up without you by my side, i really don't know much about you. all i know is that you are an important person to me even though i can't personally tell you this.
i love you and i always will.....
and last saturday was jeff''s 21st birthday. he had a small party at home. i love that guy from the bottom of my heart. we shared the same dreaded dream--to become shinigami-..haha..
well, last monday i started my job-hunting adventure. i passed two application forms- one for a general transcriptionist and the other for a Korean english teacher. then, i headed toward excelasia to avail in their free call center training. i passed the initial interview for excelasia and will start my training on june 17. and this morning, i received a text msg from "the general transcriptionist one", i'll be having my exam tomorrow. hayyy..finger's crossed guys, i hope i'll make it. =)
by the way, eventhough was kinda busy lately. i still find time to unwind. i played with the photos i captured during jeff bday...
i'm not proud of it though, but it really felt so exalting. i've been constantly living day by day, just waiting for this moment to come. and yesterday, it was over. i said to myself, this is the end but the beginning of something.
i realized just for now, how i've changed so much. i used to be so blunt when it comes to putting end on something in my life, whether be a person, hobby, or even an attitude. i am not really good at letting go. but somehow, over the past years, my experiences changed me a bit when it comes to this point. i guess, this is really what it is to be mature. last year, i was emotionally bombarded with so much, up until now i am still at awe on how i managed to be so strong.
way back when i was a kid, mama always coined me as the one with a blurred future. i was stubborn, self-center, and weak. that's what she thought, well, that's what i thought too. i believed for that for so long. i've had so many frustrations, disappointments, and failures in my life, not even my family knew a single thing about it. i was fighting battles on my own. is it luck?fortune?destiny?or simply, my own will to always do good and be better after each fall, that made me who i am today? i guess, it was through my experiences that shaped me to be strong and be ready to face what lies ahead of me.
some asked me, why did i resigned when finding a job is so difficult nowadays? how i wished i could explain everything to them without sounding so immature, idealistic, and arrogant. but i can't and i don't have plans on telling them one by one. let them think what they want coz' one things for sure, i may be broke right now but this is just for now. i am just waiting for the right time, and i'll move on to another journey. a journey wherein it will take me to the place wherein no one will underestimate my capabilties, no one will think i'm just another bitch from some downtown area, i'll see to it that i can do so much more than what i can do now. as what a fellow blogger said, "its not all about money, its all about sense of fulfillment".
just a little more time, and i'm make my come back.
She stood half frozen. Unable to taste the cold wind that concealed the two of them. It’s over. Everything’s over. Neither words nor tears show the pain that enveloped their hearts. Sometimes, it takes a lot of courage to accept the pain just to do what is right…..
Sweet memories of them pierced their hearts like pins. Love is no longer a feeling but a simple word– Not enough to sustain the fire burning. But it isn’t dead yet. It’s just like water in a freezer, it turns itself so cold and so hard. Like a boulder, so opaque you can’t see what’s really behind it. Everything left is so elusive. As day turns to night, their hearts remain obscure.
Is it her fault? Is it her fault that her perspective in life is different compared to what most people are? Or is it his? That he was carried away by the words of his friends. What hurts her most is the thought that he chooses to follow his friends even though he knew it would hurt her. What hurts him the most is why can’t she let herself conform this time. This paved way for the bad blood to mount itself. Like a tangled thread, so difficult to straighten back. Until they find themselves so weary. That there’s no point in compromising if they will just end up arguing.
Even though things turned out to be this way. Respect is still in their hearts. She still respects him for being a very good son and a brother. And he still respects her for being firm in her perspectives in life. But she wanted to tell him that she understands. That his love and dreams for his family is what pushes her to the edge and to end everything between them. It’s not like she wanted all his attention and focus to be hers alone. But she sees his drive and sincerity for reaching that dream. And she knows she must give way in order for him to reach that goal. That there are battles in life that’s not really meant fighting for. Because fighting will only make things more complicated. And he wanted to tell her, that beneath that strong façade, is a soul that strives to collect the broken pieces of his heart. That he is already lost from the pathway he chooses to walk. Because he always choose to play safe. He always settle for something good but never to try for something best.
She is not afraid to be hurt but he is afraid he might unknowingly hurt her again.
When she says, “It’s over”. She means, “Open your eyes and don’t let go. Fight and muster all your love to pay everything you missed”. Then he answers, “Maybe, it’s right that we must end this”. What he means is “I love you so much and I can’t afford to see you hurt again because I am such a jerk!”.
Maybe God put them in this fish bowl not to be drown but to learn and to survive. Unless they learn to correct their mistakes, things will never be the same again. Just like what the quote says, “Repeated experiences have but one aim, to teach you what you refused to learn”. However, it is in their own hands whether they will choose to become better or to become worst.
In their case, ice covers all the love in their heart. Future is still unknown. We don’t know that maybe someday, one of them will give out heat in order for the ice to melt away. So that love will shine once again. Yet, no one knows, maybe their love is destined to always remained iced.
…. And she looks at him straight in his eyes. Turns her back with tears in her eyes and walks away from him, not knowing the things that lie ahead. Will love find its way back in their hearts? Or will it be totally lost forever?
"writer's block is just my excuse, truth is, i don't have nothing else to say"
wala talaga ako sa mood magsulat. kahit pilitan ko pang mag-isip, wala talaga akong mailabas sa utak ko na matino at may sense. parang baso, kahit ilang beses mo pa lagyan ng iced tea, kung hindi naman masarap wala ka talagang masasabi. ayoko kung mag hiatus ulit, tama na yung mga araw na palagi nalang akong nawawala bigla sa blogosphere.
"matulog ka na, para ka nang a-dead-zombie-girl-walking"
4-6hrs/day ang tulog ko kaya siguro ang utak ko ngayon ay "loading o d kaya ay buffering". ayaw kong magsalita kasi kelangan ng utak ko mag level up pra mka relate sa mga bagay na sinasabi ng iba. heto kasi si diego (name nang laptop ko) parati nalng binibigyan ako ng mga bagay na gusto ko. na addict na ako sa facebook at sa farm town, ngayon bleach na namn. eh matigas nmn yung ulo ko, kahit kulang sa tulog hala manonood at manonood pa rin. yung isang araw nga eh pumunta ako sa dentist ko pra sa 2nd stage ng root canal ko, hindi ko namalayan nakatulog pala ako, salamat nalng may nilagay siya para d ma close yung bunganga ko. nakakahiya nung sinabi nya na, "ang relax-relax mo kanina ha."..nakakahiya, nagsmile na lang ako at pilit nagpa-cute cute sa harapan nya. ang sagwa ko kaya tingnan dun!!
dahil matigas ang ulo ko at hindi ako nakikinig sa mga sinasabi nang magulang ko, kaya tadhana na siguro ang humawak sa mga bagay na mangyayari. yun na, two days akong walang internet connection, hindi dahil hindi ako nakabayd kundi kami lahat sa area namin wala. aba, parang namatayan ako nun ha. dali2 kung tinext yun bestfriend ko, sabay bigay ng email ad at password ko sa facebook, sayang nmn yung mga tanim ko sa farm town, ready for harvest na yata yun. ayoko kong masayang ang mga oras na ginugol ko sa pag-tanim ng potato, onion, sunflower, peas, strawberry,cabbage, at coffee. akalain mo na nakabili na ako ng bahay at malaki na yung lupa ko. at level 26 na ako. mayaman na ako, yun nga lang, sa laro lang. hay..
bwahahhaha.. yan ang nakuha kung salita sa bleach. wala akong ka interest noon na manood. yung ka barkada kung lalaki yan yung pinili nya na character nung nag cosplay siya. kaya nanood ako ng one episode, tapos next-next-next..hanggang ayoko nang huminto. hanggang ang utak ko ay puro nalang bleach. puro nalang mga shinigami, bounto, zanpaktou, ban kai, at kung ano pang mga bagay na nakita ko dun.
farm town at bleach. masaya ako sa online life ko. yan ang nagpapahirap sa aking ngayon. mahirap ngunit masaya. di ba tanga?!..hehe..
i miss bohol. living there for three years made me so attached that i keep on coming back. it is my home away from home. i always believed that there's this certain place outside our home wherein we find ourselves so comfortable living, as for me that's bohol.
you, what place would you call home aside from your home?
yesterday, while bloghopping i found out that my post "message to the broken-hearted" was being claimed by someone named krissie (this is her site http://crazykrissie.blogspot.com.) she cuts off the last paragraph but ended the post with her name. no doubts, that's purely plagiarism in the act. so lucky i found it early. i could no longer check her out coz she made her site private already.
i'm not really so mad. i just felt so sad for her. so bad, she was so irresponsible..tsk..tsk..she shouldn't claimed it though. i don't really care if my work was used but be sure to give the credits to me not yours..
so you guys, why not try to look around at the blogosphere. you might not know, we have the same thing in common: a victim of plagiarism.
so to lighten the mood of this blog i'm so happy to tell you that bob ong releases his new book. tsadaddadang!!!!!!!!!!..all those bob ong fanatics, grab your copy now..
so this is for now guys..tomorrow is mama's birthday.. my oh mine she's turning 49!!!..hehe..
this is my first time and i really don't know what to do. everything was like woosshhh. it was so fast. the interview lasted not longer than five minutes. everything just went well, i assumed. then, the cliche "we will call you by 8pm today, if you get the call that means you get in, but if not it means we find someone more suitable for the job. and by that, you can reapply after two months". wow!!.. i never thought i memorized what she said earlier. hehe..
so i waited patiently at home. trying to hide the ecstatic emotions i am feeling. its 50/50. i would be so hyprocrite if i said i never hoped for it, but somehow i managed to be realistic that they would not call me.
then, its 8pm.
i gave up waiting and proceeded on putting my headset and continue my bleach marathon.
what would be the reason why they hadn't call?
1) it wasn't never meant for me.
2) they doesn't have any load for them to make a call.
3) the girl who eveluated me thought i can be a competition to her..hahha..
4) or for a simple reason, i don't know how to speak english after all..haha..
with all the reasons i come up with, no.1 is the one i really believed in. now seriously speaking, i was kinda sad for not getting in. but its okay, there still a lot more. there's always a first for everything. i guess, i'm not lucky enough to have mine at my first. maybe, next time it'll be better.
i couldn't understand why after everything we've been through, the way i treated you never changed. you are still this person i can't define in my life. i wanted us to be forever who we are in each other. and hopefully it will never change. but i know for a fact that if she has an idea i existed in your life, everything would change. everything has the possibility to end.
i may be wrong to think you played games to me. and i may be right that you are still a man. i am not your "other" significant-other. i am this "not-ordinary person" in your life. i sound so naive, so idealistic, so movie type theme. but this is true, and no matter how much i deny, deep within me, i do believe.
all i want is for me to disappear before i loose you.
it is YOU who inspires me to get out from my comfort zone. i learn a lot from you. so plenty of good things. i owe you one for helping me be mature in life.
i don't know how to explain everything i feel.
if only you could hug me tight, there's no need for words.
don't think that no one understands how you feel. in fact, most people around you had that feeling too. its either you are just one step ahead of them or its not yet there time. always remember that feeling pain after loosing someone you love means you really do love at all. because if you feel nothing after loosing them, you're a one piece of an asshole and deserves to be perished in this world.
sometimes, life brings us pain so that we will learn. as what the quote says, "the pain will never go away, but you will learn to live with it". don't dwell too much in depression island. don't spent most of your time thinking of what if's. for what if's will only make the worst of you. just be open, accept the pain. live with it. but not to the extend you loose control. just acknowledged it so that next time you'll be stronger than who you are.
give time to yourself. no one would love you so unconditionally but yourself. no one else will be there when everything falls down your ass but yourself. start to love yourself back and see the difference it makes in your life and to those people around you.
life is not all about getting what you want but making the best of what you have. you may lost your battle today. but did you ever realized that there are battles not worth to be fighting for? sometimes, it is better to let fate or destiny or even luck to play the game. instead of moping around why not try to assess yourself. try to analyzed what had gone wrong, if you think you did something bad, make it right next time.
don't let anger bring the worst of you. yes, you do have the right to be mad and be angry to the person who hurted and played games to your heart. you wanted that person to suffer the same way as you are. but being bitter would not help you anything. the better way to deal with it is so stand on your butt and make that person see that inspite his/her absence in your life, you can still do so much more. you are still someone worth to be loved. and think, that there is still someone who is best fit to love you, he/she was just lost because he/she doesn't know how to read a map.
but doing rebounce relationship isn't the solution of your heart blowing problem. it will just aggravate the horny and bad side of you. what's more honoring is to heal your broken-heart by yourself. and by that, you'll come out fresh, better, and most of all a learned person by heart.
i only had two relationships in my life and both really failed. i almost had a third one, that's what i thought. i thought the third one was sincere, but it was all games for him. if i would have eaten the the bait and did not have emotional control, that would made me fall into a mistress. yes, i liked him so much and was starting to love him but when he gets what he wants (it's up to you to think what he wants) everything just changes. he was just a man who loves to have side dishes although he already has the main course. he made me believed i was special. he treated me as if our relationship is more than friends. he made me happy. he made me feel i was important to him. he made me love him although he was completely and solely belongs to his girlfriend. now, here i am alone and trying to fix everything that was broken in me. see, we may not have the same situation but everything falls into one:
what hurts us most is the thought of not being loved by the person whom we love
now, do you still think no one understands and feels the same way as you are?
much love and hope,
i know most people find this job so good because you are always paid high. the first person i told about this is my mom. mama was at first hesitant to agree with me, but was able to convince her with my decision. then my father, who most of the time stayed away from my decisions only said to think it over and over again. yes, i am paid right at my current job, but the fact that i don't want to spend the rest of my life in front of a cash register machine. and yes, i was so fortunate that after being able to do my on the job training there, i was absorbed. but the super idealistic side of me takes over and still screaming that i can do so much better than this. that there is still so many things to explore and to achieve. and i realized that, i am not satisfied with what i have, i am just too scared to get out of my comfort zone.
my brother, whose also a call boy, told me to start applying. i was planning to start at convergy's or sykes'. but my bro said that it'll be better if i start applying in smaller companies, because as what he always says to me, "it's a very different world out there". so, i decided to apply at wipro next tuesday. it would be an understatement if i'm going to say i'm fine, because i'm not. i'm just so nervous at the same time so excited for what might lie ahead of me.
i know its my health that's actually at stake with this kind of job, but i wanted to try it. who knows, it might be the right place for me.
i am good both in writing and speaking. but when it comes to my speaking ability, darn i need practice. all i hope right now is that i'll be employed. and i have this feeling i'll get in. i hope i'm right.
wish me luck guys!!!
so, invite me >> http://modepass.com/krisler
and i created a group >> filipino style please feel free to join
i still don't know how modepass works in friends. i still don't have contacts..haha..
shirt: gift from my aunt
pants: bought downtown (i just fold it to make it look like a capri)
this past few weeks i have been addicted to vest. i don't know what's with me that i fondly loved to wear one...
today, my friends will pick me up after work. we will be eating at calda's. i'm super excited coz i never been there. and oh that super gigantic pizza really hyped my appetite..hehe...i'll try to post photos soon...
the blackout made me realized how bad it is to have no electricty. walang tubig, walang microwave, walang t.v. at radyo, walang INTERNET CONNECTION, (though merong akong smart bro prepaid pero yun laptop ko hindi ko nacharge) kaya walang blogger at walang facebook, at walang mga jologs na online games..zzzZzzzZ..
on the other note, when the lights was back, jeff continue making ellian's debut invitations. nung nakita ko yun, parang sumikip ang dibdib ko. naawa ako sa debutante.hahha.kaya i extended my help nalang. wala namang ka artihan si ellian kaya hindi ako nahirapan gawin ang invitation nya.
one year and four months na akong single. wlang nagpaparamdam kahit isa. hindi ako nagpapa humble effect dito. talagang wla!!. at kung bakit, hindi ko talaga alam. aha, meron pa lng isa na sa tingin ko nagpaparamdam ngunit sa huli, massacre pa lng ang theme namin at hindi love story. gets nyo?
honestly lng talaga, minsan naiinggit ako sa mga kaibigan ko. kasi, mostly sa kanila ay "going strong" na sa kanilang mga relationships. at heto ako, nag-iisa pa rin at wlang karamay sa hirap at ginhawa..haha..
"cheesy" talaga kapag in love ka kasi, "everything in your life has reasons now"..napansin nyo b?kahit simpleng mga bagay merong halaga, merong purpose at merong reasons kung bakit nangyayari. lahat ay maganda at lahat ay puro masaya. kahit buhusan ka pa ng napakaraming problema ay ngumingiti ka pa rin. hay..na mi-miss ko na ang pagiging "cheesy".
kaya nga, kung bakit hindi pa nandidito si mr. lovelife? siguro ay:
1.) hindi siya marunong bumasa ng map, kaya hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin nya nahahanap kung nasaan ako.
2.) natutulog pa sya at hindi pa sya gising. baka sobrang sleeping pills ang nainom nya. at kung saan kami ay matanda na, dun pa sya magigising at dun pa kami magkikita.
3.) hinahanap ko sya at hinahanap nya rin ako. problema ay hindi kami magkatagpo sa iisang lugar.parang tom and jerry yung theme- hide and seek kunwari ang drama.
4.) sya yung naghihintay sa akin at ako yung dapat maghanap sa kanya.
hay.kaya ako, kung daratng sya, darating sya. kung para sa akin, para sa akin. and life must go on. marami namang magandang bagay dito sa earth na magbibigay saya sa buhay..
soooooooo plenty of things that had happened while i was "hiatusing". these are just the highlights:
1.) well, i graduated from college. yah yah yah i know i was kinda late to tell you guys..still, i know i deserved a round of applause?..ayt?..heheh
2.) i've done something so wrong, yet it felt so good. call me bad, but i still feel so good. experience is still the best teacher ever!!
3.) i am making a very big turn in my career. i'll try something different. honestly, i'm kinda scared right now for what might happen. but you'll never know unless you'll try.
it made me think that i always plan for my life. but sometimes, truth is, what ever it is that i've plan it's never going to happen. right now, all i believe is-->
fate, destiny, and luck + hardwork and GOD= your life. that's my equation.
long sleeve- ambushed in jeff's closet (haha)
pants- bought from downtown
flip flops- havainas
i am a newbie here, so be patient about my photos. haha..and i still don't know the terms that well..
thank God, my brother came home for a visit. the whole mood in the house seems to lighten up. i know, mama was even happier his "fave" son drop by for a visit. mind you, i really don't care if i am not the favorite among the two of us. it's no big deal. i just want to emphasize the whole situation. and what surprised me more is that my brother brought his graduation gift for me. yep!!!!yep!!!
he gave me crocs. though i much prefer the one i really wanted to have, i'm not familiar with the model name, but i know it was the latest i really envy. he said, when he got there it was already out of stock. so, he bought another model. but its alright. i'm still so grateful!!!..
thank you much much...mwaaahhhh
that's enough, i think i'll better be packing my things now..ciao people!!!
but this year is different. i recently got my degree in college and was release in mama's prison cell. at last i'm free as stray dog. it doesn't mean that mama no longer care for me but as what she always says everytime she calls me, "i trust you and don't make anything stupid. take good care of yourself". oh my good mama, still got her nerves monitoring on me. i know why she did that, not only because she loves me but she knows how careless i am in taking good care of myself. but still i'm happy.
yeah, i'm broke but i'm happy. a line from alanis morissette's ironic song. that fits me so right now. i am not as totally broke as in i don't have anything to feed on the living creatures inside my tummy. i have money but it's already intended to paying bills and buying ticket for myself. i need to control in spending it coz' i don't want swimming my lungs out going back to cebu.
being born to belong in the middle class part of the society, having summer getaways is not that expensive compared on the blogs i read
okay. enough of so much stupidity.
when god graces you with the talent to write well, what would you do? i rather jump off the cliff and shout, "how come i wasn't given the talent to sing and dance well?". just kidding... i think, the ultimate cliche of it all is to become a writer or a journalist. i won't deny that once in my kiddie life i dreamt of it. but i was such a little-scared-rugrat way back then, that i couldn't find the guts to do what i wanted to do. i am always scared to commit mistakes and be scolded by my mom. which up to now, i am still scared to commit mistakes but no longer scared to be scolded.
before blogging becomes so famous like tom cruise, i had been blogging my butt off. i found my little haven at xanga.com. i was then, 16 or 17 the time i started to tell the world how mediocre my life is. the amazing thing about blogging before is that no one cares who you are, what they care about is the posts you write and how to express their innermost thoughts. imagine, it was like heart evangelista, bianca gonzales, and so other famous personality are within your grasp. funny thing is, they sometimes stumbled at your blog and leave some comment. that was before. that was those times i was so irresponsible with my words. i was so immature then.
after from a very long hiatus, i searched for another haven. then, hiatus again. my hiatus nature seems to become a disease. i don't find contentment, that made me to decide the past few days to delete my wordpress account. and now, i'm in blogger (i think, this is my 3rd account in blogger already). and i will try to seriously blog now.
krisler- if she's a good singer:
krisler- if she can dance well:
but krisler is not like that, she is like this:
her words are the greatest thing she got!!!!