from this day forward, i'm officially unemployed!!!

i'm not proud of it though, but it really felt so exalting. i've been constantly living day by day, just waiting for this moment to come. and yesterday, it was over. i said to myself, this is the end but the beginning of something.

i realized just for now, how i've changed so much. i used to be so blunt when it comes to putting end on something in my life, whether be a person, hobby, or even an attitude. i am not really good at letting go. but somehow, over the past years, my experiences changed me a bit when it comes to this point. i guess, this is really what it is to be mature. last year, i was emotionally bombarded with so much, up until now i am still at awe on how i managed to be so strong.

way back when i was a kid, mama always coined me as the one with a blurred future. i was stubborn, self-center, and weak. that's what she thought, well, that's what i thought too. i believed for that for so long. i've had so many frustrations, disappointments, and failures in my life, not even my family knew a single thing about it. i was fighting battles on my own. is it luck?fortune?destiny?or simply, my own will to always do good and be better after each fall, that made me who i am today? i guess, it was through my experiences that shaped me to be strong and be ready to face what lies ahead of me.

some asked me, why did i resigned when finding a job is so difficult nowadays? how i wished i could explain everything to them without sounding so immature, idealistic, and arrogant. but i can't and i don't have plans on telling them one by one. let them think what they want coz' one things for sure, i may be broke right now but this is just for now. i am just waiting for the right time, and i'll move on to another journey. a journey wherein it will take me to the place wherein no one will underestimate my capabilties, no one will think i'm just another bitch from some downtown area, i'll see to it that i can do so much more than what i can do now. as what a fellow blogger said, "its not all about money, its all about sense of fulfillment".

just a little more time, and i'm make my come back.


will love find its way back

"i wrote this for the schoolpaper way back when i was in college. this had been one of the favorite pieces of mine that i love. enjoy guys!!"

She stood half frozen. Unable to taste the cold wind that concealed the two of them. It’s over. Everything’s over. Neither words nor tears show the pain that enveloped their hearts. Sometimes, it takes a lot of courage to accept the pain just to do what is right…..

Sweet memories of them pierced their hearts like pins. Love is no longer a feeling but a simple word– Not enough to sustain the fire burning. But it isn’t dead yet. It’s just like water in a freezer, it turns itself so cold and so hard. Like a boulder, so opaque you can’t see what’s really behind it. Everything left is so elusive. As day turns to night, their hearts remain obscure.

Is it her fault? Is it her fault that her perspective in life is different compared to what most people are? Or is it his? That he was carried away by the words of his friends. What hurts her most is the thought that he chooses to follow his friends even though he knew it would hurt her. What hurts him the most is why can’t she let herself conform this time. This paved way for the bad blood to mount itself. Like a tangled thread, so difficult to straighten back. Until they find themselves so weary. That there’s no point in compromising if they will just end up arguing.

Even though things turned out to be this way. Respect is still in their hearts. She still respects him for being a very good son and a brother. And he still respects her for being firm in her perspectives in life. But she wanted to tell him that she understands. That his love and dreams for his family is what pushes her to the edge and to end everything between them. It’s not like she wanted all his attention and focus to be hers alone. But she sees his drive and sincerity for reaching that dream. And she knows she must give way in order for him to reach that goal. That there are battles in life that’s not really meant fighting for. Because fighting will only make things more complicated. And he wanted to tell her, that beneath that strong façade, is a soul that strives to collect the broken pieces of his heart. That he is already lost from the pathway he chooses to walk. Because he always choose to play safe. He always settle for something good but never to try for something best.

She is not afraid to be hurt but he is afraid he might unknowingly hurt her again.

When she says, “It’s over”. She means, “Open your eyes and don’t let go. Fight and muster all your love to pay everything you missed”. Then he answers, “Maybe, it’s right that we must end this”. What he means is “I love you so much and I can’t afford to see you hurt again because I am such a jerk!”.

Maybe God put them in this fish bowl not to be drown but to learn and to survive. Unless they learn to correct their mistakes, things will never be the same again. Just like what the quote says, “Repeated experiences have but one aim, to teach you what you refused to learn”. However, it is in their own hands whether they will choose to become better or to become worst.

In their case, ice covers all the love in their heart. Future is still unknown. We don’t know that maybe someday, one of them will give out heat in order for the ice to melt away. So that love will shine once again. Yet, no one knows, maybe their love is destined to always remained iced.

…. And she looks at him straight in his eyes. Turns her back with tears in her eyes and walks away from him, not knowing the things that lie ahead. Will love find its way back in their hearts? Or will it be totally lost forever?


sa ngayon

sa ngayon:

"writer's block is just my excuse, truth is, i don't have nothing else to say"

wala talaga ako sa mood magsulat. kahit pilitan ko pang mag-isip, wala talaga akong mailabas sa utak ko na matino at may sense. parang baso, kahit ilang beses mo pa lagyan ng iced tea, kung hindi naman masarap wala ka talagang masasabi. ayoko kung mag hiatus ulit, tama na yung mga araw na palagi nalang akong nawawala bigla sa blogosphere.

sa ngayon:

"matulog ka na, para ka nang a-dead-zombie-girl-walking"

4-6hrs/day ang tulog ko kaya siguro ang utak ko ngayon ay "loading o d kaya ay buffering". ayaw kong magsalita kasi kelangan ng utak ko mag level up pra mka relate sa mga bagay na sinasabi ng iba. heto kasi si diego (name nang laptop ko) parati nalng binibigyan ako ng mga bagay na gusto ko. na addict na ako sa facebook at sa farm town, ngayon bleach na namn. eh matigas nmn yung ulo ko, kahit kulang sa tulog hala manonood at manonood pa rin. yung isang araw nga eh pumunta ako sa dentist ko pra sa 2nd stage ng root canal ko, hindi ko namalayan nakatulog pala ako, salamat nalng may nilagay siya para d ma close yung bunganga ko. nakakahiya nung sinabi nya na, "ang relax-relax mo kanina ha."..nakakahiya, nagsmile na lang ako at pilit nagpa-cute cute sa harapan nya. ang sagwa ko kaya tingnan dun!!

dahil matigas ang ulo ko at hindi ako nakikinig sa mga sinasabi nang magulang ko, kaya tadhana na siguro ang humawak sa mga bagay na mangyayari. yun na, two days akong walang internet connection, hindi dahil hindi ako nakabayd kundi kami lahat sa area namin wala. aba, parang namatayan ako nun ha. dali2 kung tinext yun bestfriend ko, sabay bigay ng email ad at password ko sa facebook, sayang nmn yung mga tanim ko sa farm town, ready for harvest na yata yun. ayoko kong masayang ang mga oras na ginugol ko sa pag-tanim ng potato, onion, sunflower, peas, strawberry,cabbage, at coffee. akalain mo na nakabili na ako ng bahay at malaki na yung lupa ko. at level 26 na ako. mayaman na ako, yun nga lang, sa laro lang. hay..

bwahahhaha.. yan ang nakuha kung salita sa bleach. wala akong ka interest noon na manood. yung ka barkada kung lalaki yan yung pinili nya na character nung nag cosplay siya. kaya nanood ako ng one episode, tapos next-next-next..hanggang ayoko nang huminto. hanggang ang utak ko ay puro nalang bleach. puro nalang mga shinigami, bounto, zanpaktou, ban kai, at kung ano pang mga bagay na nakita ko dun.

farm town at bleach. masaya ako sa online life ko. yan ang nagpapahirap sa aking ngayon. mahirap ngunit masaya. di ba tanga?!..hehe..


may 18, 2009

what i'm wearing:
top-old one from the closet (haha)
skirt- thrifted
sandals- birkenstock
belt- genevieve gozum (did i spell it right)
bag- gift from thailand


home away from home

i was scanning through my cellphone's images and i stumbled in this.

this was taken last march at bohol. if i'm not having memory gaps again, this was at the town of Loay, and the place was called morning hills. i'm not really sure of it. but one thing's for sure, i love the place and i promise to myself i'm gonna come back there. the whole place gives me enough serenity by the moment i saw the whole scenery. for the time being, that place is the only place i wanted to be in now. there's so much going on and i wanted to think things over. haayyy..how i wish i have the power to teleport. that would be totally cool right? i'll be where i wanted to be in an instant and at the same time that means--less money spent, less traffic, less pollution, and less stress..hehe..

i miss bohol. living there for three years made me so attached that i keep on coming back. it is my home away from home. i always believed that there's this certain place outside our home wherein we find ourselves so comfortable living, as for me that's bohol.

you, what place would you call home aside from your home?



"use or close imitation of the language and thoughts of another author and the representation of them as one's own original work." (source: wikipidia)

yesterday, while bloghopping i found out that my post "message to the broken-hearted" was being claimed by someone named krissie (this is her site http://crazykrissie.blogspot.com.) she cuts off the last paragraph but ended the post with her name. no doubts, that's purely plagiarism in the act. so lucky i found it early. i could no longer check her out coz she made her site private already.

i'm not really so mad. i just felt so sad for her. so bad, she was so irresponsible..tsk..tsk..she shouldn't claimed it though. i don't really care if my work was used but be sure to give the credits to me not yours..

so you guys, why not try to look around at the blogosphere. you might not know, we have the same thing in common: a victim of plagiarism.


bob ong's new book

yesterday i really had a superb outburst of emotions. there so much i wanted to write and to tell you guys but i guess i must keep it to myself though. i need to contemplate first. naks!!..hehe..but i'm fine now, i will always be. i won't let it get me.

so to lighten the mood of this blog i'm so happy to tell you that bob ong releases his new book. tsadaddadang!!!!!!!!!!..all those bob ong fanatics, grab your copy now..

kapitan sino by bob ong

i want to have it!!!..i never missed any bob ong books since its first release. reading him is such a comic relief. and i really adore his superb sense of humor. for me, his always been a favorite.

so this is for now guys..tomorrow is mama's birthday.. my oh mine she's turning 49!!!..hehe..


may 09, 2009

what i am wearing:
polo shirt- thrifted
shorts- bought downtown
flip flops- havainas
bag- kyla


the call that never came

this day had been one of my unforgettable first's i ever encountered in my life. remember the one i told you about my job hunting? yes, i went to wipro today. was more of an accident rather than intentional. my main purpose was to go to cebu midtown hotel wherein sykes will be conducting a job fair there. to my unuttered surprised, i was misinformed. it will be for tomorrow, not now.haha. so i decided to pursue another one (which i had been lingering for a couple of days, whether to try or not), i wanted to go to it park to apply for an online esl teacher. i don't know what gotten into my cluttered head that instead of going to it park, i find myself heading towards wipro.

this is my first time and i really don't know what to do. everything was like woosshhh. it was so fast. the interview lasted not longer than five minutes. everything just went well, i assumed. then, the cliche "we will call you by 8pm today, if you get the call that means you get in, but if not it means we find someone more suitable for the job. and by that, you can reapply after two months". wow!!.. i never thought i memorized what she said earlier. hehe..

so i waited patiently at home. trying to hide the ecstatic emotions i am feeling. its 50/50. i would be so hyprocrite if i said i never hoped for it, but somehow i managed to be realistic that they would not call me.

then, its 8pm.




i gave up waiting and proceeded on putting my headset and continue my bleach marathon.

what would be the reason why they hadn't call?

1) it wasn't never meant for me.
2) they doesn't have any load for them to make a call.
3) the girl who eveluated me thought i can be a competition to her..hahha..
4) or for a simple reason, i don't know how to speak english after all..haha..

with all the reasons i come up with, no.1 is the one i really believed in. now seriously speaking, i was kinda sad for not getting in. but its okay, there still a lot more. there's always a first for everything. i guess, i'm not lucky enough to have mine at my first. maybe, next time it'll be better.

aja!! aja!!!


if only you could hug me tight

i feel like my heart had been carrying a lot of things inside. my eyes watered as i read her name on the screen. why was i hurt? am i jealous? or is it because this is the end of the only communication we have? could it be possible that i am just in denial to accept the truth that somehow i've already fallen for you?

i couldn't understand why after everything we've been through, the way i treated you never changed. you are still this person i can't define in my life. i wanted us to be forever who we are in each other. and hopefully it will never change. but i know for a fact that if she has an idea i existed in your life, everything would change. everything has the possibility to end.

i may be wrong to think you played games to me. and i may be right that you are still a man. i am not your "other" significant-other. i am this "not-ordinary person" in your life. i sound so naive, so idealistic, so movie type theme. but this is true, and no matter how much i deny, deep within me, i do believe.

all i want is for me to disappear before i loose you.

it is YOU who inspires me to get out from my comfort zone. i learn a lot from you. so plenty of good things. i owe you one for helping me be mature in life.

i don't know how to explain everything i feel.

if only you could hug me tight, there's no need for words.


message to the broken-hearted

dear broken-hearted,

don't think that no one understands how you feel. in fact, most people around you had that feeling too. its either you are just one step ahead of them or its not yet there time. always remember that feeling pain after loosing someone you love means you really do love at all. because if you feel nothing after loosing them, you're a one piece of an asshole and deserves to be perished in this world.

sometimes, life brings us pain so that we will learn. as what the quote says, "the pain will never go away, but you will learn to live with it". don't dwell too much in depression island. don't spent most of your time thinking of what if's. for what if's will only make the worst of you. just be open, accept the pain. live with it. but not to the extend you loose control. just acknowledged it so that next time you'll be stronger than who you are.

give time to yourself. no one would love you so unconditionally but yourself. no one else will be there when everything falls down your ass but yourself. start to love yourself back and see the difference it makes in your life and to those people around you.

life is not all about getting what you want but making the best of what you have. you may lost your battle today. but did you ever realized that there are battles not worth to be fighting for? sometimes, it is better to let fate or destiny or even luck to play the game. instead of moping around why not try to assess yourself. try to analyzed what had gone wrong, if you think you did something bad, make it right next time.

don't let anger bring the worst of you. yes, you do have the right to be mad and be angry to the person who hurted and played games to your heart. you wanted that person to suffer the same way as you are. but being bitter would not help you anything. the better way to deal with it is so stand on your butt and make that person see that inspite his/her absence in your life, you can still do so much more. you are still someone worth to be loved. and think, that there is still someone who is best fit to love you, he/she was just lost because he/she doesn't know how to read a map.

but doing rebounce relationship isn't the solution of your heart blowing problem. it will just aggravate the horny and bad side of you. what's more honoring is to heal your broken-heart by yourself. and by that, you'll come out fresh, better, and most of all a learned person by heart.

i only had two relationships in my life and both really failed. i almost had a third one, that's what i thought. i thought the third one was sincere, but it was all games for him. if i would have eaten the the bait and did not have emotional control, that would made me fall into a mistress. yes, i liked him so much and was starting to love him but when he gets what he wants (it's up to you to think what he wants) everything just changes. he was just a man who loves to have side dishes although he already has the main course. he made me believed i was special. he treated me as if our relationship is more than friends. he made me happy. he made me feel i was important to him. he made me love him although he was completely and solely belongs to his girlfriend. now, here i am alone and trying to fix everything that was broken in me. see, we may not have the same situation but everything falls into one:

what hurts us most is the thought of not being loved by the person whom we love

now, do you still think no one understands and feels the same way as you are?

much love and hope,