betrayal

the grip is too tight, i wanted you to let go
seconds left until i leave you
your eyes that i love so much
now i hate with every single tear drop
the words you used to say
now it hurts me more and more this way
tomorrow is unknown
yesterday is already told
all that's left is today
today...the moment you betray me........

will love find its way back

"i wrote this for the schoolpaper way back when i was in college. this had been one of the favorite pieces of mine that i love. enjoy guys!!"

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She stood half frozen. Unable to taste the cold wind that concealed the two of them. It’s over. Everything’s over. Neither words nor tears show the pain that enveloped their hearts. Sometimes, it takes a lot of courage to accept the pain just to do what is right…..

Sweet memories of them pierced their hearts like pins. Love is no longer a feeling but a simple word– Not enough to sustain the fire burning. But it isn’t dead yet. It’s just like water in a freezer, it turns itself so cold and so hard. Like a boulder, so opaque you can’t see what’s really behind it. Everything left is so elusive. As day turns to night, their hearts remain obscure.

Is it her fault? Is it her fault that her perspective in life is different compared to what most people are? Or is it his? That he was carried away by the words of his friends. What hurts her most is the thought that he chooses to follow his friends even though he knew it would hurt her. What hurts him the most is why can’t she let herself conform this time. This paved way for the bad blood to mount itself. Like a tangled thread, so difficult to straighten back. Until they find themselves so weary. That there’s no point in compromising if they will just end up arguing.

Even though things turned out to be this way. Respect is still in their hearts. She still respects him for being a very good son and a brother. And he still respects her for being firm in her perspectives in life. But she wanted to tell him that she understands. That his love and dreams for his family is what pushes her to the edge and to end everything between them. It’s not like she wanted all his attention and focus to be hers alone. But she sees his drive and sincerity for reaching that dream. And she knows she must give way in order for him to reach that goal. That there are battles in life that’s not really meant fighting for. Because fighting will only make things more complicated. And he wanted to tell her, that beneath that strong façade, is a soul that strives to collect the broken pieces of his heart. That he is already lost from the pathway he chooses to walk. Because he always choose to play safe. He always settle for something good but never to try for something best.

She is not afraid to be hurt but he is afraid he might unknowingly hurt her again.

When she says, “It’s over”. She means, “Open your eyes and don’t let go. Fight and muster all your love to pay everything you missed”. Then he answers, “Maybe, it’s right that we must end this”. What he means is “I love you so much and I can’t afford to see you hurt again because I am such a jerk!”.

Maybe God put them in this fish bowl not to be drown but to learn and to survive. Unless they learn to correct their mistakes, things will never be the same again. Just like what the quote says, “Repeated experiences have but one aim, to teach you what you refused to learn”. However, it is in their own hands whether they will choose to become better or to become worst.

In their case, ice covers all the love in their heart. Future is still unknown. We don’t know that maybe someday, one of them will give out heat in order for the ice to melt away. So that love will shine once again. Yet, no one knows, maybe their love is destined to always remained iced.

…. And she looks at him straight in his eyes. Turns her back with tears in her eyes and walks away from him, not knowing the things that lie ahead. Will love find its way back in their hearts? Or will it be totally lost forever?

message to the broken-hearted

dear broken-hearted,

don't think that no one understands how you feel. in fact, most people around you had that feeling too. its either you are just one step ahead of them or its not yet there time. always remember that feeling pain after loosing someone you love means you really do love at all. because if you feel nothing after loosing them, you're a one piece of an asshole and deserves to be perished in this world.

sometimes, life brings us pain so that we will learn. as what the quote says, "the pain will never go away, but you will learn to live with it". don't dwell too much in depression island. don't spent most of your time thinking of what if's. for what if's will only make the worst of you. just be open, accept the pain. live with it. but not to the extend you loose control. just acknowledged it so that next time you'll be stronger than who you are.

give time to yourself. no one would love you so unconditionally but yourself. no one else will be there when everything falls down your ass but yourself. start to love yourself back and see the difference it makes in your life and to those people around you.

life is not all about getting what you want but making the best of what you have. you may lost your battle today. but did you ever realized that there are battles not worth to be fighting for? sometimes, it is better to let fate or destiny or even luck to play the game. instead of moping around why not try to assess yourself. try to analyzed what had gone wrong, if you think you did something bad, make it right next time.

don't let anger bring the worst of you. yes, you do have the right to be mad and be angry to the person who hurted and played games to your heart. you wanted that person to suffer the same way as you are. but being bitter would not help you anything. the better way to deal with it is so stand on your butt and make that person see that inspite his/her absence in your life, you can still do so much more. you are still someone worth to be loved. and think, that there is still someone who is best fit to love you, he/she was just lost because he/she doesn't know how to read a map.

but doing rebounce relationship isn't the solution of your heart blowing problem. it will just aggravate the horny and bad side of you. what's more honoring is to heal your broken-heart by yourself. and by that, you'll come out fresh, better, and most of all a learned person by heart.

i only had two relationships in my life and both really failed. i almost had a third one, that's what i thought. i thought the third one was sincere, but it was all games for him. if i would have eaten the the bait and did not have emotional control, that would made me fall into a mistress. yes, i liked him so much and was starting to love him but when he gets what he wants (it's up to you to think what he wants) everything just changes. he was just a man who loves to have side dishes although he already has the main course. he made me believed i was special. he treated me as if our relationship is more than friends. he made me happy. he made me feel i was important to him. he made me love him although he was completely and solely belongs to his girlfriend. now, here i am alone and trying to fix everything that was broken in me. see, we may not have the same situation but everything falls into one:

what hurts us most is the thought of not being loved by the person whom we love

now, do you still think no one understands and feels the same way as you are?

much love and hope,
krisler