message to you LOVE

to love:

somewhere in the corner of this world i know you're there. living life the way you think it is. making decisions that somehow changes your life but still leads you to me. i live on the fact that someday we will see each other. that somehow, our roads are intertwined.

there's no need for me to run nor hide. i know i must move forward. its okay to look back at the past as long as it gives me the fuel to move on. but if looking back gives me the reason to overhaul, then i must choose to drive my life at the fastest speed as possible.

i may be a stupid to many and a pitiful to few but its never been my intention to be understood by them. and in my young age, i may only know you for a short period of time and there's still so many things i must know about you, yet i choose to trust and follow my heart. that even if i can't see you, i can't be with you, and i can't even hug and kiss you, you still exist. that your existence in my life may be unseen by others, i dont need them to see, my own eyes is already enough.

so what i'm saying now is see you when i see you. i will not promise anything to you but i will promise everything to myself. i want you now but i know i'm not ready. i still need time to assure that i can be capable of handling everything to you . as we wait for that special day to come, i give you the freedom to taste life and to listen to the music of your heartbeat. and as to me, i will live and enjoy my life to the fullest.

so see you later love, in the right moment and in the right place...... <3

betrayal

the grip is too tight, i wanted you to let go
seconds left until i leave you
your eyes that i love so much
now i hate with every single tear drop
the words you used to say
now it hurts me more and more this way
tomorrow is unknown
yesterday is already told
all that's left is today
today...the moment you betray me........

the EX effect

love is a cycle full of struggles towards fulfilling the dream of true happiness. when you choose to love someone means taking the risk. it's like gambling at its highest stake. you loose, you win. nothing's definite. everything's unpredictable. that's what i learned and what i called the EX effect...

in another note, while i was stumbling in the net, i found this... DIOSKO!!!!!

will love find its way back

"i wrote this for the schoolpaper way back when i was in college. this had been one of the favorite pieces of mine that i love. enjoy guys!!"

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She stood half frozen. Unable to taste the cold wind that concealed the two of them. It’s over. Everything’s over. Neither words nor tears show the pain that enveloped their hearts. Sometimes, it takes a lot of courage to accept the pain just to do what is right…..

Sweet memories of them pierced their hearts like pins. Love is no longer a feeling but a simple word– Not enough to sustain the fire burning. But it isn’t dead yet. It’s just like water in a freezer, it turns itself so cold and so hard. Like a boulder, so opaque you can’t see what’s really behind it. Everything left is so elusive. As day turns to night, their hearts remain obscure.

Is it her fault? Is it her fault that her perspective in life is different compared to what most people are? Or is it his? That he was carried away by the words of his friends. What hurts her most is the thought that he chooses to follow his friends even though he knew it would hurt her. What hurts him the most is why can’t she let herself conform this time. This paved way for the bad blood to mount itself. Like a tangled thread, so difficult to straighten back. Until they find themselves so weary. That there’s no point in compromising if they will just end up arguing.

Even though things turned out to be this way. Respect is still in their hearts. She still respects him for being a very good son and a brother. And he still respects her for being firm in her perspectives in life. But she wanted to tell him that she understands. That his love and dreams for his family is what pushes her to the edge and to end everything between them. It’s not like she wanted all his attention and focus to be hers alone. But she sees his drive and sincerity for reaching that dream. And she knows she must give way in order for him to reach that goal. That there are battles in life that’s not really meant fighting for. Because fighting will only make things more complicated. And he wanted to tell her, that beneath that strong façade, is a soul that strives to collect the broken pieces of his heart. That he is already lost from the pathway he chooses to walk. Because he always choose to play safe. He always settle for something good but never to try for something best.

She is not afraid to be hurt but he is afraid he might unknowingly hurt her again.

When she says, “It’s over”. She means, “Open your eyes and don’t let go. Fight and muster all your love to pay everything you missed”. Then he answers, “Maybe, it’s right that we must end this”. What he means is “I love you so much and I can’t afford to see you hurt again because I am such a jerk!”.

Maybe God put them in this fish bowl not to be drown but to learn and to survive. Unless they learn to correct their mistakes, things will never be the same again. Just like what the quote says, “Repeated experiences have but one aim, to teach you what you refused to learn”. However, it is in their own hands whether they will choose to become better or to become worst.

In their case, ice covers all the love in their heart. Future is still unknown. We don’t know that maybe someday, one of them will give out heat in order for the ice to melt away. So that love will shine once again. Yet, no one knows, maybe their love is destined to always remained iced.

…. And she looks at him straight in his eyes. Turns her back with tears in her eyes and walks away from him, not knowing the things that lie ahead. Will love find its way back in their hearts? Or will it be totally lost forever?

if only you could hug me tight

i feel like my heart had been carrying a lot of things inside. my eyes watered as i read her name on the screen. why was i hurt? am i jealous? or is it because this is the end of the only communication we have? could it be possible that i am just in denial to accept the truth that somehow i've already fallen for you?

i couldn't understand why after everything we've been through, the way i treated you never changed. you are still this person i can't define in my life. i wanted us to be forever who we are in each other. and hopefully it will never change. but i know for a fact that if she has an idea i existed in your life, everything would change. everything has the possibility to end.

i may be wrong to think you played games to me. and i may be right that you are still a man. i am not your "other" significant-other. i am this "not-ordinary person" in your life. i sound so naive, so idealistic, so movie type theme. but this is true, and no matter how much i deny, deep within me, i do believe.

all i want is for me to disappear before i loose you.

it is YOU who inspires me to get out from my comfort zone. i learn a lot from you. so plenty of good things. i owe you one for helping me be mature in life.

i don't know how to explain everything i feel.

if only you could hug me tight, there's no need for words.