OFFICIALLY UNEMPLOYED

from this day forward, i'm officially unemployed!!!

i'm not proud of it though, but it really felt so exalting. i've been constantly living day by day, just waiting for this moment to come. and yesterday, it was over. i said to myself, this is the end but the beginning of something.

i realized just for now, how i've changed so much. i used to be so blunt when it comes to putting end on something in my life, whether be a person, hobby, or even an attitude. i am not really good at letting go. but somehow, over the past years, my experiences changed me a bit when it comes to this point. i guess, this is really what it is to be mature. last year, i was emotionally bombarded with so much, up until now i am still at awe on how i managed to be so strong.

way back when i was a kid, mama always coined me as the one with a blurred future. i was stubborn, self-center, and weak. that's what she thought, well, that's what i thought too. i believed for that for so long. i've had so many frustrations, disappointments, and failures in my life, not even my family knew a single thing about it. i was fighting battles on my own. is it luck?fortune?destiny?or simply, my own will to always do good and be better after each fall, that made me who i am today? i guess, it was through my experiences that shaped me to be strong and be ready to face what lies ahead of me.

some asked me, why did i resigned when finding a job is so difficult nowadays? how i wished i could explain everything to them without sounding so immature, idealistic, and arrogant. but i can't and i don't have plans on telling them one by one. let them think what they want coz' one things for sure, i may be broke right now but this is just for now. i am just waiting for the right time, and i'll move on to another journey. a journey wherein it will take me to the place wherein no one will underestimate my capabilties, no one will think i'm just another bitch from some downtown area, i'll see to it that i can do so much more than what i can do now. as what a fellow blogger said, "its not all about money, its all about sense of fulfillment".

just a little more time, and i'm make my come back.

will love find its way back

"i wrote this for the schoolpaper way back when i was in college. this had been one of the favorite pieces of mine that i love. enjoy guys!!"

--------------------------------------------
She stood half frozen. Unable to taste the cold wind that concealed the two of them. It’s over. Everything’s over. Neither words nor tears show the pain that enveloped their hearts. Sometimes, it takes a lot of courage to accept the pain just to do what is right…..

Sweet memories of them pierced their hearts like pins. Love is no longer a feeling but a simple word– Not enough to sustain the fire burning. But it isn’t dead yet. It’s just like water in a freezer, it turns itself so cold and so hard. Like a boulder, so opaque you can’t see what’s really behind it. Everything left is so elusive. As day turns to night, their hearts remain obscure.

Is it her fault? Is it her fault that her perspective in life is different compared to what most people are? Or is it his? That he was carried away by the words of his friends. What hurts her most is the thought that he chooses to follow his friends even though he knew it would hurt her. What hurts him the most is why can’t she let herself conform this time. This paved way for the bad blood to mount itself. Like a tangled thread, so difficult to straighten back. Until they find themselves so weary. That there’s no point in compromising if they will just end up arguing.

Even though things turned out to be this way. Respect is still in their hearts. She still respects him for being a very good son and a brother. And he still respects her for being firm in her perspectives in life. But she wanted to tell him that she understands. That his love and dreams for his family is what pushes her to the edge and to end everything between them. It’s not like she wanted all his attention and focus to be hers alone. But she sees his drive and sincerity for reaching that dream. And she knows she must give way in order for him to reach that goal. That there are battles in life that’s not really meant fighting for. Because fighting will only make things more complicated. And he wanted to tell her, that beneath that strong façade, is a soul that strives to collect the broken pieces of his heart. That he is already lost from the pathway he chooses to walk. Because he always choose to play safe. He always settle for something good but never to try for something best.

She is not afraid to be hurt but he is afraid he might unknowingly hurt her again.

When she says, “It’s over”. She means, “Open your eyes and don’t let go. Fight and muster all your love to pay everything you missed”. Then he answers, “Maybe, it’s right that we must end this”. What he means is “I love you so much and I can’t afford to see you hurt again because I am such a jerk!”.

Maybe God put them in this fish bowl not to be drown but to learn and to survive. Unless they learn to correct their mistakes, things will never be the same again. Just like what the quote says, “Repeated experiences have but one aim, to teach you what you refused to learn”. However, it is in their own hands whether they will choose to become better or to become worst.

In their case, ice covers all the love in their heart. Future is still unknown. We don’t know that maybe someday, one of them will give out heat in order for the ice to melt away. So that love will shine once again. Yet, no one knows, maybe their love is destined to always remained iced.

…. And she looks at him straight in his eyes. Turns her back with tears in her eyes and walks away from him, not knowing the things that lie ahead. Will love find its way back in their hearts? Or will it be totally lost forever?

sa ngayon

sa ngayon:

"writer's block is just my excuse, truth is, i don't have nothing else to say"

wala talaga ako sa mood magsulat. kahit pilitan ko pang mag-isip, wala talaga akong mailabas sa utak ko na matino at may sense. parang baso, kahit ilang beses mo pa lagyan ng iced tea, kung hindi naman masarap wala ka talagang masasabi. ayoko kung mag hiatus ulit, tama na yung mga araw na palagi nalang akong nawawala bigla sa blogosphere.

sa ngayon:

"matulog ka na, para ka nang a-dead-zombie-girl-walking"

4-6hrs/day ang tulog ko kaya siguro ang utak ko ngayon ay "loading o d kaya ay buffering". ayaw kong magsalita kasi kelangan ng utak ko mag level up pra mka relate sa mga bagay na sinasabi ng iba. heto kasi si diego (name nang laptop ko) parati nalng binibigyan ako ng mga bagay na gusto ko. na addict na ako sa facebook at sa farm town, ngayon bleach na namn. eh matigas nmn yung ulo ko, kahit kulang sa tulog hala manonood at manonood pa rin. yung isang araw nga eh pumunta ako sa dentist ko pra sa 2nd stage ng root canal ko, hindi ko namalayan nakatulog pala ako, salamat nalng may nilagay siya para d ma close yung bunganga ko. nakakahiya nung sinabi nya na, "ang relax-relax mo kanina ha."..nakakahiya, nagsmile na lang ako at pilit nagpa-cute cute sa harapan nya. ang sagwa ko kaya tingnan dun!!

dahil matigas ang ulo ko at hindi ako nakikinig sa mga sinasabi nang magulang ko, kaya tadhana na siguro ang humawak sa mga bagay na mangyayari. yun na, two days akong walang internet connection, hindi dahil hindi ako nakabayd kundi kami lahat sa area namin wala. aba, parang namatayan ako nun ha. dali2 kung tinext yun bestfriend ko, sabay bigay ng email ad at password ko sa facebook, sayang nmn yung mga tanim ko sa farm town, ready for harvest na yata yun. ayoko kong masayang ang mga oras na ginugol ko sa pag-tanim ng potato, onion, sunflower, peas, strawberry,cabbage, at coffee. akalain mo na nakabili na ako ng bahay at malaki na yung lupa ko. at level 26 na ako. mayaman na ako, yun nga lang, sa laro lang. hay..

bwahahhaha.. yan ang nakuha kung salita sa bleach. wala akong ka interest noon na manood. yung ka barkada kung lalaki yan yung pinili nya na character nung nag cosplay siya. kaya nanood ako ng one episode, tapos next-next-next..hanggang ayoko nang huminto. hanggang ang utak ko ay puro nalang bleach. puro nalang mga shinigami, bounto, zanpaktou, ban kai, at kung ano pang mga bagay na nakita ko dun.

farm town at bleach. masaya ako sa online life ko. yan ang nagpapahirap sa aking ngayon. mahirap ngunit masaya. di ba tanga?!..hehe..

may 18, 2009

what i'm wearing:
top-old one from the closet (haha)
skirt- thrifted
sandals- birkenstock
belt- genevieve gozum (did i spell it right)
bag- gift from thailand

home away from home

i was scanning through my cellphone's images and i stumbled in this.

this was taken last march at bohol. if i'm not having memory gaps again, this was at the town of Loay, and the place was called morning hills. i'm not really sure of it. but one thing's for sure, i love the place and i promise to myself i'm gonna come back there. the whole place gives me enough serenity by the moment i saw the whole scenery. for the time being, that place is the only place i wanted to be in now. there's so much going on and i wanted to think things over. haayyy..how i wish i have the power to teleport. that would be totally cool right? i'll be where i wanted to be in an instant and at the same time that means--less money spent, less traffic, less pollution, and less stress..hehe..

i miss bohol. living there for three years made me so attached that i keep on coming back. it is my home away from home. i always believed that there's this certain place outside our home wherein we find ourselves so comfortable living, as for me that's bohol.

you, what place would you call home aside from your home?

A VICTIM OF PLAGIARISM

"use or close imitation of the language and thoughts of another author and the representation of them as one's own original work." (source: wikipidia)

yesterday, while bloghopping i found out that my post "message to the broken-hearted" was being claimed by someone named krissie (this is her site http://crazykrissie.blogspot.com.) she cuts off the last paragraph but ended the post with her name. no doubts, that's purely plagiarism in the act. so lucky i found it early. i could no longer check her out coz she made her site private already.

i'm not really so mad. i just felt so sad for her. so bad, she was so irresponsible..tsk..tsk..she shouldn't claimed it though. i don't really care if my work was used but be sure to give the credits to me not yours..

so you guys, why not try to look around at the blogosphere. you might not know, we have the same thing in common: a victim of plagiarism.

bob ong's new book

yesterday i really had a superb outburst of emotions. there so much i wanted to write and to tell you guys but i guess i must keep it to myself though. i need to contemplate first. naks!!..hehe..but i'm fine now, i will always be. i won't let it get me.

so to lighten the mood of this blog i'm so happy to tell you that bob ong releases his new book. tsadaddadang!!!!!!!!!!..all those bob ong fanatics, grab your copy now..

kapitan sino by bob ong

i want to have it!!!..i never missed any bob ong books since its first release. reading him is such a comic relief. and i really adore his superb sense of humor. for me, his always been a favorite.

so this is for now guys..tomorrow is mama's birthday.. my oh mine she's turning 49!!!..hehe..